I’m not trying to get preachy, but I think somewhere along the way we misconstrued the meaning of “love one another as i have loved you” Perhaps our love for one another, non romantically, has become …conditional? I guess i’m finally understand that all we really need is love. love in spite of ourselves. that’s my morning epiphany

What I want more than anything is to feel good enough. The pain of feeling inadequate is the greatest thing I’ve ever felt. When I’m down in this dark place it’s the only thing I can feel. It’s the only thing I ever really pray for. Not to lose weight, to prosper financially, or even to achieve my goals in life. I just want to be enough for somebody, anybody. My friends, my family, my coworkers, my significant other. I want someone to wrap their arms around my heart and say I know you’re trying, you’re good enough for me. I want god to fill this hole of doubt that consumes me when I’ve been defeated. I want to be someone’s everything one day. I want to believe the “I love you”s without the fear of betrayal. I want to have pure faith in something, anything, in myself. To some people I’m as arrogant as they come. I portray a sense of entitlement and clout draped in pride. I have spent my entire life feeling worthless. Feeling like I wasn’t worthy of the time, effort, attention, or the love. Cowardice has kept me alive, proving that I’m not even capable of doing what I am often preoccupied with thoughts of.

One day, for one moment, I just want to feel adequate. Not super, not important, but just acknowledged. I just want to be enough.

it’s not up to me to fix those things that are broken beyond repair. If i had any control over them in the first place, i would have prevented them from being broken. 

Sometimes people cannot be fixed and, for that matter, neither can your relationship with them. What you can do is be honest. Honesty bests anger and can be the kryptonite to ones pride. Never quell honesty for silent betrayal.  

how can i tell a secret that’s so dark but not deep?

you can see it in my eyes if you had the decency to look.

i’ve only realized that i’m trapped within me.

i want to escape to you and run away to us.

and when i can’t sleep because you fill my dreams

can’t plan because you are my schemes 

and can’t perceive as a human being

because the space that you inhabit isnt one that i can tough

i’m trying to find a way to recover a lost touch