I’m not trying to get preachy, but I think somewhere along the way we misconstrued the meaning of “love one another as i have loved you” Perhaps our love for one another, non romantically, has become …conditional? I guess i’m finally understand that all we really need is love. love in spite of ourselves. that’s my morning epiphany
What I want more than anything is to feel good enough. The pain of feeling inadequate is the greatest thing I’ve ever felt. When I’m down in this dark place it’s the only thing I can feel. It’s the only thing I ever really pray for. Not to lose weight, to prosper financially, or even to achieve my goals in life. I just want to be enough for somebody, anybody. My friends, my family, my coworkers, my significant other. I want someone to wrap their arms around my heart and say I know you’re trying, you’re good enough for me. I want god to fill this hole of doubt that consumes me when I’ve been defeated. I want to be someone’s everything one day. I want to believe the “I love you”s without the fear of betrayal. I want to have pure faith in something, anything, in myself. To some people I’m as arrogant as they come. I portray a sense of entitlement and clout draped in pride. I have spent my entire life feeling worthless. Feeling like I wasn’t worthy of the time, effort, attention, or the love. Cowardice has kept me alive, proving that I’m not even capable of doing what I am often preoccupied with thoughts of.
One day, for one moment, I just want to feel adequate. Not super, not important, but just acknowledged. I just want to be enough.
it’s not up to me to fix those things that are broken beyond repair. If i had any control over them in the first place, i would have prevented them from being broken.
Sometimes people cannot be fixed and, for that matter, neither can your relationship with them. What you can do is be honest. Honesty bests anger and can be the kryptonite to ones pride. Never quell honesty for silent betrayal.
I’ve been trying to approach the things/ways i feel in a more productive manner. for some things it works really well, other’s not so much. I’ve been telling myself no only to find the lies my thoughts giving in to a truth deeper within me. oh well.
I should have noticed but I was blinded when you kissed and hugged me You led me on and I don’t you ever really loved me You used to thank me for the way I treated you And in you turned your back on me the moment I needed you Because I was always there in a heartbeat not, never hesitated And now I think of our relationship as time wasted
I was thinking about the Heartbeat Bill this morning on my drive in. It concerns me that if this passes, the government will be essentially forcing, from my point of view, women and men into parenthood who may be unfit or not ready to be parents. It also comes off a bit Holier-than-thou. I’d be interested in knowing how many supporters of this bill have actually faced the reality of unplanned pregnancy in the face of poverty. Having been in that position, knowing that it is one of the hardest, most heartreaking decisions a person can make, I can honestly say that you will never know what decision you will make until it is right in front of you.
After some initial research I’ve also found that many supporters of this bill are opposed to healthcare reform and “Obamacare.” Along with that we are facing strong support for cuts to welfare, medicare and medicaid. To me it is as if one is saying
"Not only will we force you to have this child, because it is your fault for not being responsible, but we, a goventment assuming a surrogate parental role, will have no part in the financial or social responsibility that comes with having the child."
Where is the education? Where is the reform to the foster care system? It bothers me that one minute we proclaim to have the welafare of children as our first priority and the next we creat laws and legislation that hinder teachers, social workers and social preservation programs.
I would be remiss if i didnt provide links to information that allowed you to form your own opinion:
It’s been about 3 years since i was diagnoised with clinical depression. it has been something that i suffered with for the majority of my coherent life. i didnt have the courage to stand up to it until i was in college and had locked myself in my room for a solid week because i couldn’t handle the world outside my bed room door.
since that time i have fought a battle that i’m not sure will end. this is the first time i’ve been able to admit that part to myself. i can go for weeks or months at a time without giving into the negative abyss that is depression and then all of a sudden it feels like my life becomes a fortuitous example of murphy’s law. things come crashing down around me all at once.
i gave in today. i didnt intend to. i just found myself in that old familiar place, playing the blame game in front of the mirror. it’s not that everything that could have gone wrong went wrong, it’s that… i dont have an answer right now
“I have on my table a violin string, it is free. But it is not free to do what a violin string is supposed to do—-to produce music. So I take it, fix it in my violin, and tighten it until it is taut. Only then is it free to be a violin string. By the same token we are free when when our lives are uncommitted, but not to be what we were intended to be real freedom is not freedom from, but freedom for.”—somebody via the wonderful Nicole
p.s. out of all of the beautiful voices in the world that you've heard, how can you say that you 'love' mine? Nah. I'm just a white girl and I sound like every other white girl ever. :)
it’s not the same and i love the unique. but i dont blame you for questioning lol i’m the same way with compliments. as far as bridges go, just use your music theory. it’s been the same way since bach lol
It’s official: Kanye & Jay defeated the pre-release album leak. But it’s Monday morning, the wait’s over and by now the majority of fans and onlookers have Watch The Throne in their possession. Already, everyone’s forming their opinions on what’s set to be one of the biggest releases of…
It’s been a couple months, I’ve been real poetic
I’ve been biting my tongue trying not to sound pathetic
Don’t regret it, my point B wasn’t apologetic
Don’t sweat it, point A was all about aesthetics
I know it baffles you that I’m still standing here
Open arms, naïve emotions, and you leave me every year
But its clear, when you feel the same you run and hide you
Seem to be afraid of what you cannot see inside you
Feel it in your veins but your brain won’t coincide, you
Only know end result, you convince your heart the lie’s true
Pride’s fool, love’s slave, a curse mark of vanity
When did you trade in your faith in you for insanity?
Hands empty, summer when did you give all that you have to give?
When did you decide to live a lie and die to live?