January 2011
119 posts
“Gross Uncle”
– *in the middle of Home Depot*
He: Michael I need to ask you a favor
Me: okay
He: you know I drank some of that colon cleanser today right?
Me: yeah…..
He: well I’ve been doing well all day, but something about that orange juice I drank….
Me: pardon?
He: long story...
“I was pissed”
– Me: name 3 restaurants you could live without
She: red lobster. I hate it there
Me: oh….
*i love red lobster*
“#LLFJ on certain occasions, it’s perfectly fine to hate the player”
“#LLFJ to get what you want you must do what needs to be done”
“Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on...”
– Mary Manin Morrissey (via itookadeepbreath)
What wikipedia has to say about pussy →
Really? A whole page?
“#LLFJ all love was not created equal”
#LLFJ Why Clevelanders Hate on Everything, a Hate...
Lake Erie is full of trash. It actually caught on fire once.
The Browns suck and always will
The Indians should be a minor league team
They don’t even hold the Rock and Roll HOF ceremonies here
There are no jobs
All this fucking snow
We have the ugliest downtown
Our skyline ain’t shit
Everybody from Cleveland now lives in Columbus
Most people who say they’re...
“I don’t miss “us”, I miss what we could have been”
#LLFJ the wrong things to say
You’re pregnant? What do I say to the other girls I’m fucking?
Can I invite my jumpoff to our wedding?
It’s okay, I like big women anyway…
Oh yeah that wasn’t you, I tried that with my ex
I bet you’ll be a bigger bitch than your mom
Size doesn’t matter…. To me
Have you heard of Summer’s Eve?
How much does a holocaust? (Get it?)
...
“#LLFJ ALWAYS get the warranty.”
Side note
I got an email from Netflix headed “now’s a great time to come back to Netflix”. I sent one back headed “bitch you don’t know my situation”
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just a lil something from the High School...
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Pause.....
so i just thought about this and there is a great chance that i am wrong but hear me out.
SO. Jesus died for our sins and in doing so he went to prepare a place for us. Heaven.
got it.
the penalty for sin was death, and in the end you just went to hell no matter what. or you’re out of luck because then people in the old testament did’nt have heaven and unless god sent the fiery...
Recommend my shit
Just do it
“i hope you can understand that i didn’t want to be a slave to the way i...”
#LLFJ Ask The Bestie
JIzzle: does the sponsor ever get needy? how did u deal with it?
Bestie: Yeah…. always Friday I was wasted an already in the guest bed at Ye’s talking to Wade on the phone and he had called and skyped me early about hanging out then kept calling me after closing time, then I texted him “Are you going to [censored]” to which he responded by calling me 4 time back to back...
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#LLFJ #jizzleknows A Convo I had earlier today
She: soo alyssa just texted me and asked to borrow money so she could buy plan b
Me: tell her you don’t have the money, but you do have a wire hanger and a car lighter
She:……..
Me: OR drive her to athens. take her to the school of music and let her tumble down from the 6th floor
She:……..
Me: OR get your brother’s whiffle ball bat and practice hitting home...
“And I’m always dyin always dyin for a scone
I been putting up with pastries for...”
– submitted by wastedelixir (via noonemanshouldhaveallthatflour)
#LLFJ i know it wasn't all bad, but there was a...
every now and then i’m a sucker for the nostalgia. i start reflecting on my past which leads me drawing from the wrong things. it’s really a backwards way of thinking.
THE POINT:
you were in this situation. whether it was a relationship, friendship or job or something. and for some reason you’re not there anymore. you have made a clear decision to exit. but you had a great...
“Without you I’m still a mess, i just liked our mess better”
“#LLFJ you won’t know who you want to spend the rest of your life with...”
“#LLFJ every moment of weakness should be followed by an opportunity for strength”
“#LLFJ write out your apologies first, if half way through you feel like...”
“#LLFJ first moves are never easy, but somebody’s got to make it”
moments of honesty
1. i was going to apologize, but i’m not. if i did, i would have only meant half of it
2. right now i am happy with the way things are, though i’m not happy with the way things happened.
3. i’m not gonna lie man, i’m 50 tyson (okay i needed ONE joke)
4. there was a reason why i blocked you, don’t be surprised if it happens again. the way i’m dealing with this...
#LLFJ good friends are hard to find, and easier to...
i just want to take a moment to ask you to appreciate the people that are still sticking it out with you.
lately i’ve had a chance to be reflective. it lead to me having a conversation with my mom about her college days. i asked her why she never went back to any of her reunions or events. she told me that she had a wonderful time at college but she was really only close to one person, her...
If you really want to watch the real "Skins" →
#LLFJ BAD IDEAS
getting your stepmom pregnant
wearing a bomb to the white house
dating someone you meet at an STD clinic
making dead baby jokes at an abortion clinic
raping a nun
committing a “Lebron”
being black at a KKK rally
being white and saying the n-word during black history month
taking an anorexic to a buffet
making skinny jeans for the obese
jeggings
criticizing “The...
“#LLFJ the best defense is a straight face, that’s where we hide our...”
Kyla Knows Best: What is Love? →
kyla-knows-best:
Love is…
* Finding out who you are when you look into the eyes of that one.
* Being lovers and best friends.
* Not needing that person, but wanting them and not being able to imagine your life without them.
* Taking care of each other, not just being taken care of.
* Trust, communication,…
the unconditional surrender of your heart, knowing that it may get broken,...
jcwarner asked: working on it :o) got an incredible team brewing, just need to train some more! how about you? what are you up to these days?
“Our love will sail in this arc, the world could end outside our window....”
– Janelle Monae, Say You’ll Go
#LLFJ THINGS YOU SHOULDN'T SAY DURING OR AFTER SEX
it’s ok, blood is the best lubricant
i’m going to make it rain like r. kelly
my ex was tighter
it smells funny down here
sorta tastes like yeast
i see your going for the shagg carpet look
feels like someone dated a black guy
this is like throwing a rock in space
somebody likes to exaggerate
Yeezy taught me
ever hear of a rolling brown out?
sorry about my hangnail
feels like...
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“#LLFJ most demands are only met with resentment”
“With a knife I crimp and fold
The golden crust in pastry mould
Sometime when...”
– Tartless submitted by iamilluminated (via noonemanshouldhaveallthatflour)
“Running away from love, trying to find some understanding, but how do you run...”
– Michael J Ward
“#LLFJ, people make you happy, but never the people you expect. So when you find...”
“#LLFJ as long as you have breath, you have hope”
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“#LLFJ to find your place, get lost in your cause”
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“#LLFJ it never quite matters whether the glass is half empty or full, it’s...”
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“#LLFJ pain can never be mistaken for what it is not, that’s why the truth...”
Full
I am filled with regret from not facing the things i should have faced in the mirror.
my eyes are full images of what i had to let go because my hands couldn’t bear holding on even though my heart wanted to the most.
my heart is full of broken promises, like grains of sand, impossible to count and even harder to put back together.
my past is full. full of people who didn’t stop....
