I can never get mad at you. For some reason I know it was just the right thing for you to do. Although sometimes I feel like going off, I know it’s unwarranted so I keep it to myself.
You’re so dumb. You tried to play me and realized that you were being played this whole time by people you thought were your friends. I’m not saying any of it was right, but, take note of this: you’re not clever.
You’re not marriage material. Sorry. There is no use getting mad about that. Chalk it up to a personal opinion but 2 guys have gotten engaged after you have ruined their lives.
How DID you get your calves in those boots? Still a mystery. I agree with the sentiment that you are a ocular hate crime.
I’m not okay with this decision. I keep looking back on the things you said and I wonder how you could contradict them in an instant. It wasn’t like you said them months ago, this was a matter of days. I thought I had someone in my corner who was going to stick around when the going got tough. We lapsed for one week and you split. I straight up told you why I have issues of trust and the circumstances in which they were nurtured. It was like a kick in the balls to have you turn around and do the same thing I told you I hated the most. You didn’t even tell me what happened. You left me standing there holding this bag of emotions clueless with some selfish excuse of what works best for you. I remember giving you the option of going a while a go and you swore you were not that person and you’d never do that to me. It makes me want to call you a liar because you did it anyway. Could you have spared the time to actually answer my phone calls instead of weltching via text?
I really tried to laugh this off and put on a front today. I’m not mad that you want to do your thing but you need to know I feel abandoned and betrayed. As bad as I want you to hurt like I’m hurting, I pray no on ever does you the way you did me.
I work with petty people OR Jimmy put a mirror on the wall
*the following convo took place via email*
Amy:I am conducting a poll. I think Jimmy’s mirror should come off the wall because it looks ridiculous. A blank wall is better then the mirror. Jimmy will do whatever the poll results are.
Please send me your answer. Wall or Mirror. All answers will be confidential.
Me:Jimmy can keep the mirror as long as I can display the bust I commissioned on the table out front. Honestly it may add a dimension of space to his cubical. Later in 2011 Eton Plaza will erect a monument in my likeness holding a small dog and a resume
Jimmy:the people that don't like the mirror are the ones who should them more often
Me:How do you should a mirror? At what frequency should we “should” our mirrors?
Bobby:Don't be rediculous put some art.on the walls if you have a prob. The mirror looks good.
Me:How about a friendship mural?
Brian:I say yay! I like it b/c I can check my hair out before I hit the can.
BIll:Put a spider on the wall
spider spider on the wall.....
Me:I think you mean water spout. the spider goes up the water spout....
Jimmy:How about this? Everyone F*** off, mind their own business and get back to work
“#LLFJ worst ideas 2”—Mace flavored ice cream
Beating off in church
Being a Steelers fan (just sayin)
Thinking you can rap because your black
Letting an infant suck on a razor blade
Using your own urine to melt the snow instead of shoveling it
Naming your genitalia Hogwarts because that’s “where the magic happens”
Making your kids initials STD
Mistaking piss for apple juice
Crying rape from disappointment
Human flavored dog food
Citing beef curtains as a medical condition
AIDS only blood drive
Tin foil condoms
Fart during sex
Compare you to their ex
Can’t keep it clean
Use too much teeth
Just lay there
Have no rhythm
Dress like a hoe but get mad when you call them one
Call each other bitches but get mad when you say it
Are really indecisive
Who think they never have to pay
Who don’t invest as much we do
Give you stupid pet names
Add “ie” or “y” to the end of words
Poop (we’d rather assume you didn’t do that)
Belch and think its cute
Consider masturbating with things from the list
Are too easy
Allow themselves to be treated like shit
Have crusty feet
Have jagged toe nails
Have sandpaper skin
Have rhinoceros knee caps
Have braidable armpit hair
Don’t love themselves
Initiate the breakup and then get mad when you date someone else
Take a mile when given an inch
Can’t get over the little shit
Think a relationship can be built on arguing
I don’t have all the answers, this is just life as I know it. (Man, it’s been a while :) )